Why This? Why Now?
I’ve always been a bit of a closed book. Sure, I have a tendency to wear my emotions on my sleeve (more about body language in a later post), and that can speak volumes about what I’m thinking and what I’m feeling at any given moment. But when it comes to a verbal expression of my internal state, I’m usually pretty tight-lipped. I pick and choose my moments. I am a think-before-speaking kind of person (to a fault). I internalize pretty much any situation, think about it for a while, and then offer my response… which often drives my wife crazy, and rightfully so. I’m neither a pessimist nor an optimist in my mind. Rather, I like to believe that I’m a realist. And in reality, I don’t let many people into my internal realm.
I’ve always enjoyed expressing myself through written word, producing a fairly large collection of poetry, song lyrics, and journals, along with several other creative projects (many of which remain incomplete). Though I have released an abundant amount of self-expression through my written works, many of those writings are intentionally vague and perhaps even mysterious in nature, making some of them difficult to decipher. And it doesn’t help that I’ve kept most of those writings to myself throughout the course of my life. What good does that do?
This brief personal introduction begs a rather obvious question… why, then, am I creating a public blog? Why this? Why now? In all honesty, I’ll likely have a difficult time even sharing this self-expressive blog with my closest friends and family members. Hell, as I write this I don’t even know if this collection of words will ever see the light of day (much like many of my other writings). But I feel, for whatever reason, that these thoughts/feelings/experiences need to enter the blogosphere. If for no one else, then for my own therapeutic benefit… but hopefully for someone else’s benefit, too.
That brings me to the point of this initial blog post. Why this? Why now? Why start writing a blog at the seemingly insignificant age of 37? Truth be told, I’m not exactly overflowing with satisfaction and fulfillment at this moment in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely miserable either. I have plenty of reasons to be satisfied right now: I’m happily married to a wonderful wife. I have a precious 5 year old son and a precious 2 year old daughter. We are all healthy (thankfully so)! I have a steady job with good benefits. I have a great relationship with God, and I’m dedicated to a fulfilling religion. I have enjoyable hobbies. And I live in an amazing country where I enjoy freedoms of many kinds.
Yet, regardless of all of the previously noted blessings, I almost inexplicably find myself in a discontented rut. Call me privileged. Call me ungrateful. Call me what you will. But that’s my current reality. I am not satisfied with my current state of mind, and I’m not satisfied with the way I’m managing my life in general. My life is out of balance. I am stressed out of my mind most days, and I am unable to find the happy medium between what I need to be doing and what I want to be doing. I am failing to recognize many of the beauties of life amidst a few dark storm clouds. Furthermore, I am failing to find joy in the journey. And I believe it’s largely my own fault for not taking control of the controllable aspects of my life. I need to turn things around, and I’ve come to a realization that some things (perhaps many things) need to change. This blog, and the underlying purpose thereof, is an integral part of those life changes.
So then, without any further ado, here is how I would summarize the purpose of the Proactively Me blog: An experiential journey from self-assessment through self-improvement, ultimately (hopefully) leading to self-fulfillment. It is an active journey of personal development.
Me, me, me. I, I, I. Self, self, self… I know this all sounds very egocentric and selfish. I promise this is not all about me. Let me try to put the purpose of this blog into perspective through my own personal lens. I do not want to just sit back and continue being the person that I currently am. I want to evaluate my pros and cons, my strengths and weaknesses, my virtues and vices. I want to pinpoint the ways in which I can improve myself and my life, and then consequently take action to effectively implement those changes and improvements. I believe that if I am in a better place physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, then I will be able to have a more profound and positive impact on other people (especially my own family). I truly want to better myself so that I can better influence the world around me.
This blog is not meant to merely be a catalog of journal entries documenting my own life and progress, nor is it intended to be a cannon of doctrine suggesting to you (the reader) all the things you may need to improve upon yourself. This blog is an expression of what progressive actions I feel I need to take in my own life, based on personal evaluation, with the realization that some of my thoughts/feelings/experiences may very well correlate with your own life and state of mind at the moment based on your own self-reflection. I feel that I am not alone in this overarching desire and determination to change for the better, effective immediately. You might be asking yourself these same questions at the moment: Why this? Why now? Perhaps THIS blog and THIS experience are exactly what you need in your life right NOW.
All I can do is encourage you (whoever you are, and whatever your life circumstances) to read two or three more of my forthcoming blog posts. If my words ring true to you in any way, or if they are sounding strangely (maybe even eerily) familiar, then I invite you to join me on this life-changing journey…
Proactively Me Challenge # 1 | The Decision Challenge:
Read 2-3 more Proactively Me blog posts, then decide if you want to join this self-improvement endeavor yourself.